i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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