Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
