Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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