I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
