Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
