Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
