I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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