HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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