ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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