im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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