Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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