Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
