The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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