I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
