just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
