Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
