I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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