dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
