I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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