The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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