vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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