we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
