were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
