i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
