Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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