Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
