i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
