an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
