This is not my ceiling
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
