Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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