Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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