I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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