He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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