I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
