I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
