September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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