I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
