I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
