and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
