I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
