bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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