I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
