morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
