Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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