Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I know her cup size but not her name....
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