He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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