you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my being single is dangerous.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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