i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize