so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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