Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
