you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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