I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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