there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
