But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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