Don't make out with my wife yet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
