a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
