God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We left the knife in your bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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