The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
