it glows. i had to have it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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