glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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