Your face is a jimmy john
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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