im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
