Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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