he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just blew my weed a kiss
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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