Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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