i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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