So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
