Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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