I just saw a hot homeless man
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
