She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
