In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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