I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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