You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
