got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
