i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
