North Korea, Best Korea!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
