Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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