You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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