yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
