I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love having hate sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
