people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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