Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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